Being a Ham with Nervous issues

So, our choir is having it's performance this weekend. Last night was the first time we rehearsed with the orchestra. There are two tiny parts where I get up and sing. (ones a solo, and one's a duet with someone else) When I practiced my solo last night, the first time, I was literally shaking. I really was nervous. I almost couldn't believe it, me, one of the biggest hams of the Bree family, was nervous? Well, they had professional soloists there and the dean of the music department sings in the choir too. So yeah, a little nervous, but I got over it, and everyone said I sounded great. I was a lot more comfortable with the duet. I think the concert is going to be great. The Professional soloists are awesome. The soprano goes all the way up to a high c# (A really high note for you none musical folk) and she's not shrill at all.
Anyways, I think I'm ready for the concert and I'm really excited. Mom and Dad are going to come, and my Mother-in-law and Brother-in-law are also going to come. It's going to be great!

Lament and Tribute to Grandma Beverly

This is the poem I wrote and read at Grandma's Services. I wanted to post it here, in her honor.

What can I say about the mother of my father?
I loved her, admired her, and adored her.
And to think about her, I have many recollections.
I remember her as Red head, Blond and Brunette.
I remember her confidence, and her strength.
I remember visiting her at Christmas, as she assured me that Santa would find us even at her house in Filmore.
I remember her visiting for my high school graduation, and coming to see me preform for State Honor Choir.
She was always so proud of all her grandchildren, and she always told us so.
I remember when she first saw Lindsey, her oldest great grandchild.
The pride and joy on her face unmeasurable.
I remember visiting her in Las Vegas. She knew where the best buffets were, and all the free shows.
I remember her playing Harry Belefonte on the radio, dancing and singing, truely happy.
I remember when she was diagnosed with breast cancer.
Her strength shined so bright, as she fought it off.
Following that, she had many hard times, but always she would put on a brave face to me.
Everything was always fine, because she was always doing her best.
She would never give up.
Now she is gone.
Did I tell her I loved her enough?
Did I tell her how much I admired her?
Did I visit enough?
No.
Time and distance made excuses that carried the "I love yous" and visits away.
But I always knew of her love, and I hope she always knew of mine.
And although there will be no future visits, there is always the cherished moments together, etched into my memory forever.
I will always love you grandma.
I will always miss you.
A part of me will always be sad you are gone,
But I will survive on the many memories you gave me,
And I will never forget the courageous, confident woman that you were, as I try to follow your strong example.

A hard week

Dad called me on Friday afternoon, and asked what I was up to. I told him, and upon thinking about it, I thought "Why would he want to know?" My first thought was that Mom and him had come down to surprise us or something. "Are you guys down here?" I asked. Dad said something along the lines of "I wish", and then bad possibilities came into my head. He wanted me to call him back later, after Halloween. I said I wanted to know whatever it was. I think I actually said "Is something wrong with Grandma?" and he told me the news. Grandma Beverly passed away on October 31. I was glad he told me, but it was hard to keep it from the kids until after Halloween. Lindsey was pretty sad about it, but she is glad we get to go down and visit Aunt Terrie and the cousins.
So with that as my starting point, I then had to work this week. And what song were the kids supposed to learn this week? "Over the river and through the wood". The original words read like this:

"Over the river and through the woods to Grandfathers house we go. The horse knows the way to carry the sleigh thru' the white and drifted snow. Over the river and through the wood, oh how the wind does blow. It stings the toes and bites the nose, as over the ground we go.

Over the river and through the wood, trot fast my dapple gray. Spring over the ground like a hunting hound, for this is Thanksgiving day. Over the river and through the wood, now Grandmothers face I spy. Hurrah for the fun, is the pudding done? Hurrah for the Pumpkin Pie."

I've actually been pretty numb since finding out about grandma, and yesterday teaching this song to the kids didn't seem to bother me, but today I broke down. It was the last class and they weren't being very good. I was trying all the usual things to get them to quiet down, and nothing was working. So I broke down and cried, and told a whole class of first graders how I just lost my grandmother. Well, they were pretty good after that, but class was pretty close to done too. And they all wasted no time in telling every adult at the school that I cried because my grandmother was gone. Sweet and Embarrassing all at the same time.

and now I'm just waiting for time to pass, until I can be with other Family and Friends who feel the loss.